Being an empath, I am extremely sensitive to my surroundings, and the effect other people’s moods have on me can, at times, be very distressing. Because of this, over the years I have learnt to cut the cords with many people to save myself the stress of the drama they create. In the past, I have often found myself thrown into the middle of situations that have nothing to do with me, and only because I have attempted to help from the sidelines. After a while, I learnt the hard way that it was better to stay away from toxic people completely, including members of my own family, whose company I once enjoyed greatly.
There are times, however, when a door slam just isn’t possible. Take for instance my current situation, and the ongoing problems in my workplace. I have worked in an office since the beginning of the year, as a payroll administrator. It isn’t the most exciting of jobs, but it is straightforward and easy. Prior to that, I was a retail team leader for many years, which I loved. But I needed a change.
I quickly noticed the many pitfalls, for me, of being chained to a desk in a very close-knit office day in and day out. There is little opportunity to get away from my workmates during a shift, and when I get overwhelmed by their constant presence, I have no option but to sit it out. The ‘office politics’ are ridiculously annoying, and the passive aggressiveness of my manager is a complete drain on my emotions. I’m not sure how much longer I can sit through her derogatory comments towards the new girl, who actually needs guidance and coaching rather than negativity and bad-tempered put downs.
Every day, as I am forced to watch the power games that go on, and the poor new girl whose nerves are in tatters, I feel a part of me slowly dying. I want to help, but I am in no position to. My hands are tied, and I need to free myself and fly away from this toxic environment. I know I am better than this. I need to be better than this, for my own sake. I need to escape.